Better give than receive? The magic of feedback. Part 1: Giving feedback

Our work and actions are constantly under some kind of supervision. We are given grades at school, corrected by a boss or a team leader, or given advice by parents and friends. No matter who gives you feedback, it can be either uplifting or painful, and very often we take others’ words as the latter.

When it comes to business relations, the situation doesn’t seem to be any different. Clients, investors, managers want to tell you all they know and all about their expectations. But does it mean that you just have to stand there and receive patiently everything other people are throwing at you?

Well, the answer is: yes and no.

Giving constructive feedback with no hearts (and contracts!) broken can be a big challenge, same as listening to others telling you what they think.

I would like to discuss both sides of “the feedback coin”. This time it will be about giving feedback.

Heads of the Feedback Coin: Giving feedback is an art of kindness

Feedback is NOT meant to make you feel bad or underestimate your work.

There is one characteristic about feedback that many of us very often misunderstand. Feedback is NOT meant to make you feel bad or underestimate your work. On the contrary- feedback provides interaction between you and others, creating engagement and a chance to grow. However, to provide feedback with the right meaning, it would be good to keep a few things in mind.

Focus on the project and performance, not a person (and speak for yourself)

When you are giving feedback, there is one fact you will never be able to avoid — this is only YOUR opinion. No matter how many people tell you their thoughts before the meeting, when you speak, speak for yourself. Giving anonymous feedback and generalizing your opinion seem to be a good choice at first, but it can suppress the real discussion. Say how you see the matter and explain why, so not only everybody understands your point, but also knows that this is your personal point of view.

Remember that criticizing someone often sounds judgemental and discourages further action by the one who receives it. You and the person who just gave the presentation or speech in front of you might not be your friend, but respect is the key to make feedback being strong, insightful, and helpful. If you just judge them, how would it help the project to be better? To not sound like you are looking down on others, watch your language carefully. It can be a little bit tiring at first, but trust me — it will benefit you tons.

Words are crucial

It is not only about what you think, it is also about the reason you say it

When you share your opinion with anybody else, your word choice is very important. Aggressive feedback can leave a bad impression about you as a person, and being overly nice is not any better.

First, remember that your feedback is still your opinion — when you want to share it, start from “I” rather than “you”. Starting sentences from “you” can sound like you are blaming the other person and can also be interpreted as aggressive. See the examples of how to give an opinion starting from “I”:

• I think this element is…
• I would like to understand your intention here. What is the reason for…?
• I thought last time we’ve talked about…, but now… What is the reason for that?

Second, if you are a team leader and evaluating your members’ work, don’t tell them what mistakes they’ve made. Tell them points to improve. Giving the other person a direction to improve something from your perspective, and maybe even offering help to make it happen, can bring amazing results the next time you meet. Don’t get me wrong — talking about mistakes is essential for improvement. By “telling somebody they’ve made a mistake” I mean mentioning only what was wrong and moving on. This is not the way you give feedback! Instead, try these:

• I think (next time) you could try…
• I think doing … is effective.
• I usually do … and I found it very helpful. Maybe you could…

Third, be specific about what is your point. If you can, prepare your arguments in advance — that will help you to make sure your feedback will be clear and understandable. It is not only about what you think, it is also about the reason you say it — so share more of your thoughts. Moreover, you can ask somebody that is not from your company if they understand your arguments (if it is too technical, then it is not applicable). This way you can be confident that your message will be acknowledged.

When you criticize, you need to name the problem and the facts behind it

As I already said, giving feedback is not (and should not be!) only about the positive side. Even if the criticism is important, think about your message first so your intentions are not misunderstood. The problem and potential reasons behind it should be raised, so you could either discuss them or just make a plan and get back to work for the better.

Remember that feedback in the form of praise is obviously way more digestible than criticism, especially in a public setting. It is worth considering if the feedback you want to give has to be given in front of other people. Maybe a little chat after the meeting would be better than taking out all pains and complaints when the whole office is looking?

Feedback is an important part of growth and development for everyone. Many times I had an impression it is demonized or silenced to “keep the good atmosphere” in the workplace or between group members. How about instead avoid giving feedback, we just learn to give it in a way everybody can benefit from? With the right intention, the feedback culture in your company can bring a better atmosphere between colleagues and stunning effects in projects they work on.